Peach and Jigglypuff, Kisser Bandits
by tikitikirevenge
Summary: They don't fight crime, they… actually, I have no idea. But can they maintain their secret identities while… you know what? Just read the stupid story. And review. Reviews are good.
1. Chapter 1

_**Peach and Jigglypuff, Kisser Bandits**_

(by tikitikirevenge)

Disclaimer: The disclaimer of the story below this is probably funnier. Read that one instead.

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**1**

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It began with Mario sitting in a room in the Smash Mansion, sipping a cappuccino.

"Life is-a wonderful," he said, looking out the window at the sunny sky.

"Yes," said Bowser. "No doubt about it."

Mario and Bowser had, of course, had their differences in the past, but they were amiable acquaintances, to put it mildly, and Master Hand's Smash Tournaments gave them a great excuse to relax.

"It's a pity Luigi can't be here to share this lovely day with-a us," said Mario. "Now that all of the practice rounds for the Smash Tournament are-a over, we have a chance to relax-a."

"Yep," said Bowser. "Pity, really."

"If only he hadn't fallen down the stairs yesterday," said Mario.

"Yep," said Bowser, more slowly this time. "Fallen."

"I do-a hope that he is okay," sighed Mario.

"Of course," said Bowser. "It's a _bad_ thing that he only broke an arm…"

Mario took another sip of his coffee.

"He says someone pushed him," added Mario.

"Really?" said Bowser, in a slightly higher voice. "How… quaint."

Mario looked at Bowser, puzzled.

"Be right back!" said Bowser, dashing out of the room.

"What?" said Mario, standing up.

Bowser, being out of the room and of earshot, didn't hear him.

Dejected, Mario sat again, and downed the rest of his coffee with a single gulp. "Mmm," he said, "there-a is-a no such coffee that-a is-a at its forte as much-a as the cappuccino-a!"

The coffee cup refused to listen.

Peach walked into the room carrying Jigglypuff. Both were wearing cardboard party masks.

"Hi, there, Peach and Jigglypuff," said Mario. "What do you two-a want?"

Peach kissed Mario, and then slapped him with a sardine.

"What the-?" said Mario.

"Kisser Bandits strike again!" cheered Peach, doing a little dance.

"Iggly jiwig jujip ipug!" added Jigglypuff, clapping.

Mario stared blankly at Peach and Jigglypuff.

"Get it?" giggled Peach.

"No," said Mario, eyeing her strangely. "'Kisser Bandits'? '_Again_'?"

"Uh…" said Peach. "Jigglypuff! Backup plan!"

Jigglypuff pulled a lemon pie out from Peach's hair and thrust it into Mario's face.

"My-a face!" cried Mario.

"Kisser Bandits strike again!" cheered Peach. She jumped around excitedly.

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Now read and review. 


	2. Chapter 2

_**Peach and Jigglypuff, Kisser Bandits**_

(by tikitikirevenge)

Disclaimer: The disclaimer of the story below this is probably funnier. Read that one instead.

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**2**

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_Twenty minutes later…_

Falco walked into the kitchen to find Mario washing lemon pie off his face.

"Hey, there, Mario," said Falco. "What's with the face?"

"What is with-a the _face_," said Mario angrily, "is that-a some of our fellow-a Smash Brothers have gone mad!"

Falco snorted. "Yeah, right. Seriously, what happened?"

"Peach and Jigglypuff have-a put a pie into my face!" complained Mario.

Falco shrugged. "Some people, I guess. But really, what do you expect? It's downtime from the tournies, and people get bored. And it's not like _they_…"

Falco waved a hand around the side of his head head to indicate to Mario 'they're _crazy_, noob'.

"Hiya, Falco! Hiya, Mario!" said Peach, walking in, still wearing her cardboard mask. "It's us – the infamous Kisser Bandits!"

"_That's_ what they're doing?" snorted Falco.

"Be-a careful," said Mario, backing away.

"Mario!" said Peach happily.

Mario ran away.

Jigglypuff ran into the room with a stocking over her head. She couldn't actually see through the stocking, so she ran headfirst into the wall next to Falco.

"Careful," said Falco, pulling the stocking off.

Peach smiled at Falco.

"Okay," said Falco, "well, I'm going to go and practice my shooting. I'll see you two around."

Peach opened the fridge, pulled out a banana, opened it, ripped the peel off, and put it down on the ground in front of Falco.

Peach and Jigglypuff giggled conspiratorially.

"Wait…" said Falco, "you expect me to step on this?"

Peach and Jigglypuff nodded.

"You two really are idiots," said Falco.

Peach and Jigglypuff stood there smiling.

"I'm not going to step on it," added Falco.

"Aw," said Peach, her face falling. She looked at Jigglypuff. "Attack, fellow Kisser Bandit!"

Jigglypuff jumped up to Falco's head and pressed her mouth into his eyes, completely blinding him.

"AH! Get off!" shouted Falco, waving his hands around, trying to pull Jigglypuff off his face.

"Go Kisser Bandits!" cheered Peach, waving a pom-pom. The pom-pom was purple.

Falco stumbled forwards, slipped on the banana peel, and fell forward, hitting the ground hard. Only Jigglypuff's bouncy body stopped his beak from breaking.

Jigglypuff let go and ran back to Peach. They both giggled and pointed at Falco.

"I can't _believe_ you fell for that banana peel trick!" laughed Peach.

"Iggly ig jig pug puh… piggly fuji!" added Jigglypuff.

"You _made me_," gasped Falco, glaring at them, and slowly getting up. He balled his hands into fists.

"Kisser Bandits strike again!" said Peach, running out with Jigglypuff.

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Please review. (You could also read the story first if you wanted to, but review.) 


	3. Chapter 3

**_Peach and Jigglypuff, Kisser Bandits_**

(by tikitikirevenge)

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**3**

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_Fourteen minutes later_

"So what you're saying," said Link, "is that Peach and Jigglypuff are running around being stupid."

All the Smashers had convened in the lounge room to hear what Mario and Falco had had to say.

"Yep," said Falco. "Like total idiots."

"Like-a he said," added Mario.

"What's so surprising about that?" said Link. "They always act like total idiots anyway."

"Not always!" said Mario. "I mean, she's a little bit on the dim side, but Peach is-a not _that_ crazy."

"Pika pi chikipi chupi pui," added Pikachu. (_Jigglypuff isn't like that, either. In fact we're going quite strong._)

"Pardon?" said Kirby, pausing with a bagel halfway down his throat.

"Pika… chipika uchi…" (_At… doubles in tennis… yes…_)

"Oh," said Kirby. "Oh, okay."

"So Jigglypuff is behaving weirdly, too?" said Link.

"Yep," said Kirby. "Jigs isn't like that, and believe me, I know Jigs."

"Pika pich chu?" said Pikachu. (_What's that supposed to mean?_)

All the Smashers conferred amongst themselves.

"Someone's going to have to bring them to their senses," said the Ice Climbers simultaneously (in a really freaky way).

"Yes," said Link. "Someone needs to be in charge. I nominate Link."

Everyone murmured in agreement.

"Okay," said Link. "First, we find Peach and Jigglypuff. Then, we do some sort of psychiatric treatment to get them back to their not-so-crazy selves."

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

Peach and Jigglypuff walked into the room.

"There they are!" said Link. "Stop them!"

Peach and Jigglypuff pulled out water guns and started squirting everyone with them. The guns were filled with blackcurrant juice.

Everyone gasped in horror.

"Oh, Goddesses, not _blackcurrant juice_!" gasped Zelda. "That vile substance stains! And it tastes horrible!"

"_Dive for cover!_" shouted Link.

Everyone dived under the tables.

Jigglypuff walked up to Link and kissed him on the cheek. "Iggly jiwig jujip ipug!" she shouted, doing a little jig.

"What?" said Link.

"Kisser Bandits strike again!" explained Peach.

"Ah," said Link.

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IF YOU DO NOT REVIEW THiS sTORI AND paSS it on to 10 FRENDS in the next HOUR u WILL DIE! 


	4. Chapter 4

_**Peach and Jigglypuff, Kisser Bandits**_

(by tikitikirevenge)

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**4**

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_Scheven seconds later_

"Egad!" cried Zelda. "There's blackcurrant juice all over my regal dress!"

"And there's juice covering _my racing suit_!" said Captain Falcon angrily.

"They threw juice all over my… patchwork tunic rag… thing…" said Link.

Everyone ran around, panicking.

In the confusion, Peach and Jigglypuff slipped out, giggling.

Eventually, the turmoil died down.

"Wow," said Mario. "Those two have-a definitely snapped."

"Yep!" said Samus. "Let's go kill them!"

Link stared at Samus.

"Yes?" said Samus.

"Aren't you a bit… trigger happy?" asked Link.

"Excuse me?" said Samus.

"Do we really need to _kill_ Peach and Jigglypuff?" said Link.

"Well… why not?" said Samus.

"Because you don't just kill random people," said Link.

"I don't?" said Samus.

"GYAH!" Link snapped and started slashing at Samus with his sword. It was completely ineffective, because Samus was wearing her certified sword-proof Power Suit.

"Well, if anyone's going to get anything-a done," said Mario, "it will have to be me. After all, I am the _real hero_. I can put a stop to Peach-a!"

And with that, he gallantly marched out of the room.

"Hey, Zelda," said Captain Falcon, "you're covered with blackcurrant juice."

"I _noticed_," said Zelda, annoyed.

"Now you have no choice but to go out with me!" he cried in triumph.

"What?" said Zelda.

"I said…" said Captain Falcon.

Zelda hit him between the legs with a coffee table.

"ARGH!" cried Captain Falcon.

Everybody had a good chuckled at Captain Falcon's expense.

"Hehe, that's funny," laughed Samus.

"Yes," said Link. "Now let's go _kill the Kisser Bandits!_"

Everybody looked at Link.

"Um… I was… joking?" stumbled Link.

"Haha," said Samus, "I've gotten to him."

"What I meant," said Link, "was that we should find those two, hurt them badly, and possibly convince them to return to their normal sane ways."

"Great idea, Link!" said everybody else.

"Did everyone just say 'Great idea, Link', at the same time?" said Link.

"Yes, Link!" said everybody else simultaneously.

"That's… freaky…" said Link.

"O RLY?" said the others concurrently.

"I've gone _mad_!" cried Link in despair.

Everybody else nodded knowingly.

"This is stupid," said Ness. "Come on, let's go find those two!"

And with a loud cheer, all the Smash Brothers set off to find Peach and Jigglypuff.

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_Your greatest love died so that you could **review this story**. Don't make that sacrifice in vain._


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